There’s only one thing you need to remember when texting girls:
Always text with a purpose – to arrange a meet up.
Sounds simple, right?
Not so fast.
Because there will never be a meet up if you keep making any one of these 21 mistakes.
BONUS: If she’s not texting back, Discover The Exact Texts you need to get her texting back and out on a date in our next article.
Watch my video or read on to discover the 21 shocking mistakes men make when texting girls, so you can stop burning numbers and start getting dates!
And stick around, because even if you’ve made a bunch of these mistakes already, I’ll give you the solutions to turn everything back around.
Is she not texting back? Has she suddenly become distant and cold? Is she making excuses to not meet you for a date? Has she friend-zoned you?
NO PROBLEM! After you read the 21 mistakes I’ll give you the solutions…
#1: Living by the 3 day rule
The 3 day rule is nonsense, in fact, our Dating Metrics survey revealed 89% of women want to be first contacted within 48 hours.
So don’t wait until the next day to text a girl, or the day after that. Text her immediately after getting her number – within fifteen minutes after you meet her is good. Even better, text her when you’re right in front of her.
Since using this rule, I now never get those “first text blues” and you if you stick to this rule you won’t either!
Also, this way, when you’re fresh in her mind, she’ll remember you right away next time your number pops up!
She’ll also feel more comfortable about your text interaction with her because you already started texting her when you were with her.
It will remove her anxiety about texting you the next day and means you can start comfort building a lot easier.
“Hey, it was nice meeting you. Let’s chat soon. (your name).”
#2 Not using her name
Not typing her name in the first text can make her think you’ve forgotten it. Also using words like “beautiful”, “gorgeous”, etc.
You may think you’re complimenting her but she’ll just think you call all girls “beautiful” or “gorgeous”.
If you gave her a nickname when you met her then that’s fine, but only use nicknames if it’s already an insider joke between the two of you, otherwise it’ll appear like you’ve totally forgotten her.
#3 Texting back too quickly
Dude…don’t be too anxious to text her back. Some guys will lose their mind staring at their phone waiting for her to reply, and when she does they’ll rush to pick it up and reply with something daft and incoherent.
If you want her to think you’re a desperate loser, who has nothing else to do in his day, has no social life and who’s world revolves around her, then go ahead, text her back instantly, every single time.
But if you want to make her want you and respect you more, never text back too fast. Try to consistently text back in 10 or 15 minutes and occasionally mix it up to even an hour or so later.
If you’re at the office and she texts you early afternoon, wait until you finish work. She’ll respect the fact you have priorities.
Don’t be too predictable. Keep her on her toes. Make her wonder, “why hasn’t he texted me back?”
This should be done to an extent, because there is a flip side to the coin of taking too long to respond every time…
It’s NOT cool to make a girl wait more than six hours, let alone a day or two. It just ain’t cool and she won’t think you care about her if you don’t get back until the next day.
If you do reply to her one day later don’t be surprised if she doesn’t text back because you simply don’t deserve it. She’s probably already gotten over you.
#4 Subject sticking
It’s ok to continue an ongoing joke you had going when you met her, but if you stick to the same joke for too long, it’ll get old.
Make sure you change the subject and once the joke is over, don’t keep going back to it if you’ve got nothing better to say.
#5 Sending her boring texts
It doesn’t matter how insanely fun you were when you met her because she’ll forget all those positive emotions as soon as you fail to maintain the vibe.
Even if the impact you made on her was badass, it’s important you show her you’re not just a one trick pony and keep the fun alive.
So no meaningless texts like “how are you doing”, “what’s up” and “hi”, which will contribute nothing of value to her image of you.
Remember, hot girls receive dozens of texts a week from guys just like you.
If you don’t stand out you will blend in.
Be direct, and clear with your intent.
#6 Asking her out too early
Trying to arrange a date before you’ve made a girl excited to see you again is a fatal mistake countless guys make over and over again.
If you haven’t sparked enough emotion, she’ll more than likely turn you down.
That’s why the first few texts you text a girl are critical in pumping her emotion to the point that when you suggest a date she’ll be gagging for it.
Everything leading up to the meet up should demonstrate value, build her comfort levels and excitement about meeting you.
#7 Sending her unwarranted selfies
Ok, so you’ve been down the gym, had a damn good workout and think she’d appreciate a ripped photo of you with your shirt off. Think again.
If you haven’t built up enough attraction yet, topless photos will scare her off.
Don’t ever send revealing photos unless she has specifically asked for them or if you’re sexting, because just sending them out of the blue will appear needy and will be totally inappropriate.
It also demonstrates you are a low value male because a high value male would never dish out revealing photos of his body without them being earned first.
Plus, you’re forcing a reaction and what do you seriously expect her to say? “OMG you’re so hot I wanna f*ck your brains out right now baby, what’s your address?!”
If you really want to send her photos that’ll put a smile on her face, send photos of adorable furry animals. She’ll appreciate those a lot more 🙂
#8 Bad spelling and grammar
“I had a gr8 time last nite. Hope u did 2”
In what world is “gr8” acceptable? Do you think that kind of language turns girls on?
If you’re using text slang, improper grammar, or being lazy about checking your messages before you send them, chances are you’ve already blown it.
Read your texts before you send them and don’t use slang. Just don’t.
Note: LOL and WTF are ok to a point, but try to avoid these in the first few texts so you can test to see if she likes using them. If she’s using LOL then cool, use it.
#9 Over texting her
If she sends 4 texts a day, send 4 texts or less.
If she never swears or uses slang language, never use it back.
If she sends you a long message, reply with a long one back.
Try to think of your phone as a mirror. No girl wants to look in the mirror and see a witch staring back, so don’t give her a bad reflection by sending 6 texts back if she only sends 3, or reply to a 20 character sentence with a 200 character text monologue.
Your level of investment must either match or be lower than hers, so adapt to her texting style and respond in tune with her.
#10 Friend zoning
If you blend in you’ll get friend zoned.
To avoid slipping into the friend zone at all costs, avoid idle chit chat like the plague.
Tease her, play with her, include her on inside jokes so the feelings of fun and attraction she felt for you when you first met are not only maintained but amped up, so your texts light up her eyes rather than dull her day with the burden of having to text you back.
There’s no excuses for falling into the friend zone and even if you think it’s impossible to answer some of her texts with anything other than a friend to friend response then you’re wrong.
She asks you: “how’s your day going”. You might think the only possible answer you can give is “it’s going great, how’s yours”, but instead, this is the perfect opportunity to tease her: “clearly it’s going much better than yours!”. This way, she’ll probably reply by saying, “nah, mine’s way, way better than yours” and from there you can move into a much more playful frame.
#11 Playing too hard to get
Sure, it’s cool to be cool, but if you’re too cool, you’ll cool her off. What?!
You’re not Ryan Gosling, you are you.
Don’t try too hard to act aloof and indifferent all the time.
If you don’t show any emotions she’ll think you’re not interested in her.
It’s no secret that women love compliments, but too many compliments, especially thrown out too early on will make her think you’re insincere, desperate, are a low value guy and ultimately just want to get in her knickers.
#13 Asking too many questions
Don’t be an interrogator.
There’s a common misconception flying around that since women love talking about themselves it’s a good idea to ask them lots of questions. This is wrong.
No one wants to be bombarded with questions, especially questions that aren’t fun like “do you always go to that club?”, or “so why did you choose to study philosophy?”.
Think about it. If you got a text from someone you don’t know very well asking why you chose to become a lawyer, would you really be motivated to text them back?
Top Tip: Instead of asking questions, make statements with a photo: “mmmmm, I love cats in bread”
#14 Dear Diary,
7.30am: “Morning (girl’s name) X”
9.05am: “Just got to the office. 5 minutes late. Hope my boss didn’t notice lol.”
12:00pm: “Lunch break YAY! What are you having for lunch? Think I’m gonna go Pret :)”
6pm: “Finished work, going for a drink with some friends. Wish you were here :)”
9pm: “I’m back home, did you have a good day?”
How annoying is that? Seriously…if you think giving a girl updates on your day is cool, look at it from her perspective.
What the above demonstrates is neediness and we discovered neediness to be one of the biggest attraction killers when we interviewed 100 single women. It is also a little psychotic…
Even if she replies to any of these types of messages she’s only doing it out of politeness at first before she puts a restraining order on you!
#15 Sending long texts
There’s a time and place for text ramblings.
Your close friends might enjoy the occasional monologue but to a girl you’ve yet to date, they will only make them think you’ve got issues and are needy.
No one wants to have to scroll through dozens of words to get to a point that could have been conveyed in just a few.
Remember, girls look for what you’re sub communicating in your texts, not what you actually say.
Always try to keep your texts as short and sweet as possible. As a golden rule, try to limit your texts to the maximum length of a Tweet (150 characters).
Get the date arranged asap because the longer you spend texting, the more likely she is to change her mind or something happens that stops her, e.g. she meets someone else.
#16 Being needy and forcing a date
If a girl says she’s busy, respect it. If she says she won’t be free until the next week, then wait, don’t reply saying something lame like “that’s a shame, I was really hoping to see you before the weekend :(”
Don’t be needy – Brush it off, change the subject and on the evening you were supposed to go on the evening of the cancelled date text her this: “sorry you couldn’t make it tonight, Natalie would’ve liked to hang out with you.”
You’re not guilt tripping her, you’re simply showing you have other options, can have fun without her and have other women in your life.
#17 Pre date nerves
Insecure, low value guys will nervously ask if a girl is still coming on a date: “hey are you still able to make it tonight?”
In between the days when you’ve scheduled a date, don’t text her any questions, just share a funny story to build comfort, maybe a funny photo. Just make her laugh and don’t expect anything other than a lol from her back. She’ll think you’re a cool guy.
High value guys will nudge girls about the date: “hey trouble, did we say meet at 7 or 8 tonight? 8 works better for me”.
#18 Guilt tripping her
Making a girl feel guilty over texts = psycho behaviour
- Accuse a woman of something she may not be doing, e.g. “why are you avoiding me?”
- Keep texting her to make her feel bad, e.g. “I’m a really nice guy, no one’s ever treated me like this before.”
- Stop texting a girl just because she couldn’t make a date that week.
- If she and you usually add an “X” to the end of texts, don’t remove it to punish her.
For more on guilt tripping and general psycho behaviour, Marie Claire shared a few more texting mistakes here.
#19 Texting her when drunk
Don’t drunk text!
Drunken texts never ever go down well, especially the ones that rudely wake her at 2am.
If you’re worried you might lose control and start texting a girl you like, give your phone to a friend or switch it off.
#20 Talking dirty all the time
Yes, sometimes girls like to talk dirty, especially bond girls 😉, but talking dirty all the time will make her just think you want to get in her knickers.
Inappropriate comments should be avoided and it’s especially important not to initiate dirty talk if you sense the girl isn’t comfortable with it.
#21 Being indecisive
Does this sound familiar? – you text a girl saying “Let’s go to Mexican on Friday night. 7pm good for you?” She replies with a simple “ok”, but she hasn’t included her usual smiley face in the text.
After receiving such a message, a lot of guys will stare at it over thinking that she doesn’t seem too keen about Mexican, so scared she might flake, he’ll hurriedly text back saying “…or we could go somewhere else if you like? How about Indian instead?” or maybe they’ll say, “or we could do Thai food instead. It’s up to you”.
Being indecisive is a massive turn off for girls. As soon as you doubt yourself she will doubt you and you’ll actually higher the chance of her flaking.
If you really think she doesn’t want to eat Mexican, rather than asking her if she’d like something instead, state that you’re going to take her somewhere better: “Scratch Mexican. I forgot about this fun hidden gem I went to the other day. Let’s meet at Tottenham Court Road at say 7pm?”
So if those are the mistakes, what’s the solution?
The first step is understanding where you might have slipped up. And if you’ve made any of the 21 mistakes above she’ll probably be a little frustrated with you…
Because the longer it takes you to get her out…the more she’ll find reasons you’re NOT worth meeting up with.
Women expect things to happen QUICK when there’s chemistry. They expect to get “swept away”.
So because the window of opportunity is closing FAST and because you don’t have much time to turn it all around, I’m going to fill you in on The Exact Texts that will get her texting back, turned on and out on a date in record time…
- Is she not texting back? NO PROBLEM!
- Not sure how to ask her out? NO PROBLEM!
- Is she declining your date invites? NO PROBLEM!
- Think you’re slipping into the friend-zone? NO PROBLEM!
- Struggling to know how to tease her? NO PROBLEM!
On the Next Page you’ll discover five simple messages that solve all these problems in minutes!
Just minutes from now…you could be sending powerful texts that make you stand out from all the other guys texting her and get her chasing you.
The Next Page will give you the solutions to…
- Get her texting back
- Bring out her sexual side
- Increase her desire to see you
- Get her out on a date
Even if you think you’ve already screwed up with a girl you’re texting, the Next Page will help you turn things back around.
Click the image below to go to the next page – Step Two – The Solution:
Why is she not texting back?
If a girl isn’t texting you back, it’s because she either got distracted and forgot to reply, she’s busy, or she’s losing interesting in you. People check their phone all the time, so she’s probably seen your text and decided not to reply. So before you double text her, take a step back to see if you’ve made any of these 21 texting mistakes. Because this could be the reason why she’s not responding.
Should I text her?
If she hasn’t responded to your last text, wait at least 24 hours before sending another text. Whatever the case maybe, take a step back and think why she might not be responding. Did you say something to offend her? Did you come on too strong? Did you ask her out too quickly? Read these 21 texting mistakes to see if you can identify anything you might have done wrong.
Wrapping It Up
The tips in this post will make you realize what you’re doing wrong so you don’t keep making the same mistakes on repeat.
For more texting advice checkout my followup article How To Text A Girl Without Her Losing Interest And Get A Date.
The most criminal mistakes are definitely texting girls when drunk, guilt tripping her and forcing a date. Be sure to avoid these at all costs!
Make sure you bookmark this post for future reference and share it with your friends if you think they are guilty of some of the above.
So, girls and guys, what other terrible mistakes do guys make when texting girls? Share your thoughts in the comments below.10 Comments
Danon Davids says
“Brush it off, change the subject and on the evening you were supposed to go on the evening of the cancelled date text her this: “sorry you couldn’t make it tonight, Natalie would’ve liked to hang out with you.” You’re not guilt tripping her, you’re simply showing you have other options, can have fun without her and have other women in your life.”
Sorry, but this is an absolutely awful idea if you’re looking for a relationship. And if you’re dating a girl, you are.
Most people are monogamous.
Dwayne Jordan says
I felt the exact same way..that will just push the girl away further.
girls loooove texting says
Woman looooove texting and its killed dating so BAD. They dont want to meet up and instead just text all day and get their attention that way. Girls text so much that when you show up you have nothing to say. Than youre telling guys how to text? Sad sad sad . How about no texting them and refusing to fall into their web .
I agree with you, and have gotten caught in this web before. I had one girl tell me that we should keep texting and getting to know each other until we’re both available to meet. Not happening anymore. Constant texting is a good way to end up in the friend zone. I understand that people are busy, but if she flakes on the next opportunity, I will move on because she clearly has no intention of meeting.
I also would like to add that the more you text, the more mundane your conversations become. Like you said, there will be nothing to talk about on the first date, if you even make it to one. Another dating advice site recommends limiting your texts to only arranging the date, and nothing more. Too much texting and the chances of making it to a first date are slim to none. Eventually she stops responding to your texts. There are so many do’s and dont’s with texting that you begin to wonder. The mystery and excitement are already gone. I can’t believe that someone would even suggest getting to know someone through texting. It just seems so unhuman.
Torsh Johansen says
Danon: I disagree with your point of view. First, you’re Not datING a girl if you have a (knock on wood) 1st, 2nd, or 3rd date lined up. That’s more like the pre-season of dating — not regular season yet. She is allowed and should be expected to be in contact with other guys, which should fade away for the most part after date 3-5 (depending on how lengthy/full said dates were).
The response advice given is not to guilt trip her — but to be cordial, friendly, cool — but it also makes her feel like not canceling again. No need to get pissy about her. Whether she’s in the right or wrong, she’s not going to want to see you again.
The alternative you may speak of is to just disappear. Yeah, better than going off on her, but just throwing the ball in her court and being cordial, friendly, and cool about it isn’t validating what she’s done, and, if there were for legit reasons she couldn’t make it — there’s still a chance she’ll rise to the surface.
If she had to cancel, it’s not to get ball-banged by other dudes. Many times it’s a somewhat important thing with gal-pals or a family event she didn’t fully bear in mind. And yes, chances are less she has full interest (but sometimes she did for good reason).
But regardless, say it was a date with another guy she forgot about — guess what? You’re not a couple, you’re not monogamous, you’re not datING until you go out together without having to “set things up” as a requirement. We all don’t like this pre-dating phase when we really dig the girl — and they don’t like it when they really dig the guy, either.
Don’t let your emotions & impulses define what’s right & wrong out there.
I think another huge mistake is too many dead-end text sends. If a guy sends me a text that promotes a one-word answer all the time, then I’m going to get bored of texting with him pretty fast!
killer McCann says
Remeber when people used to call each other? Boy those were some times
Basement dweller says
With the cat bread joke thing. I switched it up and said that I love eating cats. She thought it was a sexual reference so I sent her a picture of a dead cat to disprove it…. The lesson to be learned is that girls do not like headless cats…
Luis R says
As a (lifelong) single, 25 year old guy from California, I found your article to be pretty helpful. Unfortunately, this only works if you have a girl to text. I’d like to implement these rules / suggestions one day. I googled ‘how to get girls to text you’ and stumbled upon this article with intentions on finding advice for how to find a girl to text. To be forthright, I have never had a girlfriend although I’ve wanted one for over a decade, have no female friends, and have had very minimal “play” with them. For the record, I’m not out of shape, not short, not an a**hole, not horribly ugly nor painfully awkward. Introvert’s struggle.