In Crazy, Stupid, Love, Ryan Gosling’s character, Jacob, is a God at attracting girls.
The movie is so chock full of tips on how to attract girls, I simply had to write a blog post about it.
I first watched this movie about a year ago when my pickup skills needed a refresh since I’d been out of the game for 2 months whilst recovering from a motorcycle accident. Ouch :S
Shortly after watching the movie, I dropped a wad of cash on a tailored suit, rocked up to a swanky bar in a Beijing high-rise and within 20 minutes of arriving was already leaving with a girl on my arm.
In this post I’ll deconstruct the various elements of Jacob’s interactions and discuss how you can apply the same techniques even if you don’t look like Ryan Gosling.
Select Your Target
When we first see Jacob in the movie, he’s sitting at the bar in the background, with his eyes fixed on Hannah. Shortly after, he walks straight over to her, calm and confident.
It’s clear that before he’d even walked up to the girls, Hannah was his target.
Once you see a girl you like it’s important to approach immediately (abiding by Mystery’s three second rule).
Why 3 seconds? Because you’ll have no time to over-think your approach which will flood you with anxiety and stop you in your tracks.
When Jacob enters the scene, he doesn’t but-in with a cheesy pick up line, instead, he jumps into the girls’ conversation about Conan O Brian, asking: “Who looks like a carrot? Hi, who looks like a carrot?”
Girls are socially alert to anything that sounds remotely like a pickup line, so if you have the opportunity to overhear their conversation as you approach, interjecting or going straight in with your own take on the subject is a great way to enter under the radar in an unthreatening way that will catch them completely off guard.
Note: If you want to learn how to enter completely under the radar and seduce girls like a natural check out Stealth Attraction in the Radar: A Ninja Review.
It also invokes peoples’ natural instinct to reply, after all, they are already in the flow of conversation.
Liz, who is immediately attracted to Jacob, manages to stutter back a response: “Conan O Brian, my friend, um, Hannah here, thinks he’s sexy.”
Make Your Intentions Clear
Jacob replies “That’s weird because I think your friend Hannah’s really sexy.”
As you can see, Jacob immediately reveals his intentions, making it clear that Hannah is his target. He’s also a little cocky funny, something David De Angelo teaches in Double Your Dating.
If you’re approaching a group of girls, it’s important to make it clear which girl you’re after so there isn’t any confusion as to why you are talking to them all.
If you don’t select a target then girls will think you’ll just take whatever you can get and they’ll lose interest or think you’re just gay.
Although Jacob fails to pickup Hannah in this early scene, let’s quickly deconstruct some points he did well on:
Changing the frame – when Hannah asks how old he is, he simply asks a question back, diverting the attention back on her – “what are you a lawyer?”
Changing the frame is a great way to avoid getting into boring conversation. It also puts the emphasis back on her so she’s the focus of attention.
Being bluntly truthful – You may think it’s better to hide your feelings, but actually it’s quite the opposite, because if you hide your emotions for too long, the girl won’t think you’re interested in her and will lose interest in you.
In this fast paced, competitive world we live in, if the conversation is going nowhere she’ll most likely get tired of talking to you and will jump at the chance to get swept away by someone else who instantly infects her with burning desire.
Jacob knows this, which is why he gives everything of himself: “Me sitting over there for the past couple of hours not being able to take my eyes off of you is a fact. I mean there’s lots of beautiful women in this bar, your friend included…but I can’t take my eyes off of you”.
Don’t be afraid to be truthful about your attraction for a girl. Revealing your emotions may be seen as a weakness when talking to men, but when talking to girls, it’s actually a strength. Being open with your emotions is a well known characteristic of the Rake – one of 9 seducer types discussed here.
Also, make sure you win over your target’s friend. Jacob did this seamlessly by simply saying “there’s lots of beautiful women in this bar, your friend included”.
Challenging her adventurous spirit – Challenging a girl’s adventurous spirit will inadvertently make her want to prove that she’s not so boring after all: “Hannah, we live in a physical world right? And you’re going to age. Right? I guarantee you this: you’re never going to regret going home with that guy from the bar that one time who was a total tomcat in the sack.”
Yes, Jacob was rather clutching at straws with his closing argument because he could already tell that Hannah wasn’t going to go home with him that day, but even though it didn’t convince her right there and then, she knew she could find him if she changed her mind later, (which she did).
Being straight up honest with a girl is a savvy way to go. You’ll know there and then if she’s interested in you rather than 2 hours down the line when the club is closing and you’re out of other options.
Even if she feels you’re too much for her and you go your separate ways early in the night, she might find you again later after all the other guys have hit on her because she finds your honesty refreshing and secretly desires a man who will ravish her.
The Anti Seducer
Before Jacob helps Cal reclaim his manhood and become a ladies man, Cal repels anyone who comes into contact with him by:
- constantly moaning about how his wife slept with another man (David Lindhagen)
- sitting alone at the bar rambling on and on to the barman, regardless as to whether anyone’s listening or not
- sipping a vodka cranberry from a straw
It’s not long before Jacob can’t take watching Cal any longer, and invites him to his table and tells him the straight up truth:
It’s true – nobody wants to listen to your problems. Sure, your close friends will be happy to support you through your troubles, but not strangers out to have a good time.
The last thing anyone wants is for someone to bring a huge downer on their night.
Never ever enter a bar with a negative vibe. You will repel people.
You should always aim to raise the vibe by bringing positivity and pleasure to each and every one of your interactions. Tiny Buddha wrote a great article on creating positive energy here.
This way girls will be naturally attracted to you and see you as a watering hole of pleasure, rather than a dried up puddle in the desert rife with crocodiles.
When Cal meets Jacob in the food court the following day, Jacob is dressed in a tailored suit, wearing ray ban sunglasses and munching on a manly slice of pizza.
Both his appearance and posture screams alpha male, even more so when Cal rocks up in his baggy jeans and New Balance sneakers.
As a general rule of thumb, you should always dress in clothes that fit you, rather than how you want them to fit. Girls are attracted to bright and healthy males. Be better than the Gap.
Back to the Bar
With his new threads in the bag, they go back to the bar and Cal tags along as Jacob introduces himself to a cute girl called Amy Johnson:
“Hi” is probably the best and most simple way to approach girls. It really doesn’t matter what you say at the beginning, because girls will be more attracted to your body language, confidence and smile.
Notice how Jacob makes the most basic of introductions fun by smiling and adding a high-five at the end.
Let’s Get Out of Here
Cal listens in as Jacob takes girl after girl home with the same line “Let’s get out of here”.
This line is great because it is assertive and doesn’t fall into the “can I?” or “do you want to?” category. Instead of asking if the girls want to go with him he tells them they are: “Let’s get out of here”.
Jacob is a man who takes what he wants. In the gym scene he explains what this means:
Women yearn for men to take control and make the bold move. The world is full of feminine men not willing to risk rejection. The moment you ask a girl if she wants to go home with you, she will begin to question the idea and will likely say no.
Here’s an inspiring quote from The Way Of The Superior Man by David Deida: “Men who have lived significant lives are men who never waited: not for money, security, ease, or women.”
It’s Game Time
When Jacob decides Cal is finally ready to approach and pickup women, he runs through some key pointers at the bar.
To sum up:
- play your strengths
- buy the girl a drink
- never, never talk about yourself
- keep the emphasis on her
- at the end, tell them to come home with you
Jacob teaches us a lot about how to be alpha, how to attract girls and how to pick them up.
The only thing I don’t quite agree with is how he advises Cal to always buy the girl a drink, since most pickup artists don’t recommend this.
Other than this small, niggling point, I think Jacob’s game is solid.
If you want to learn how to attract girls and pick them up, we recommend you check out Stealth Attraction. Richard La Ruina will teach you how to be a natural in bars and nightclubs so you can, in effect, pickup girls just like Ryan Gosling.
Don’t think pickup works? You’ll want to know what Pickup Metrics has to say about why guys refuse to learn pickup here.