Most guys who’ve never had a girlfriend come extremely close to getting one but always fall down at the last hurdle.
You go on a few dates – you’re texting each other everyday – but then something you do suddenly turns her from hot to cold and you can’t figure out why.
This happens so often to you that you start expecting women to stop texting you back or disappear into oblivion, because no matter what you do differently it always ends the same way.
That’s because the trickiest stage of getting a girlfriend is the transition from when you’re “sort of dating” her to actually “in a relationship”.
So if you’re sick of getting friend-zoned, watching the girls you like end up with jerks and fed up with being the only girlfriend-less guy in your group of friends then keep reading.
Never Had a Girlfriend? Here’s Why…
You’re about to discover 14 reasons why you’ve never had a girlfriend and what you need to do differently to get one.
Guilty of pushing girls away at the last hurdle? Click Here to Jump to Reason #9. You’ll learn where you went wrong (especially with texting).
Reason #1: You Assume Girls Don’t Like You
How many times have you made these excuses not to talk to girls:
“It’s no use talking to her, she won’t be interested in me”.
“She’s out of my league”
“She looks like she has a boyfriend”.
I used to be guilty of making these excuses ALL the time – but as soon as I stopped – AMAZING things started happening.
That’s because the reality of the situation is often the EXACT opposite of the story in your head.
Girls have told me they had a huge crush on me but they assumed I never made a move because I wasn’t interested in them, when actually I was assuming the exact same thing!
You will never know the truth of how a girl feels about you without talking to her. Without communication.
So I urge you to always seek the truth rather than always making assumptions, for example:
When you saw another guy talking to a girl you liked in a bar…
You assumed she was into him – that you were too late – and it wasn’t worth embarrassing yourself by going over.
But what if that guy was actually her creepy boss? And she was only being polite and secretly hoping you’d come over and save her from a painfully awkward situation.
When the girl you liked stopped texting you back…
You assumed she wasn’t interested in you anymore, so you gave up. But actually she just got out of a bad relationship and felt like she was falling for you. She was just being cautious.
So from now on whenever you find yourself assuming you’ll get rejected flip the switch and assume the EXACT opposite – a scenario where you are a source of happiness for her NOT a source of pain, for example:
The girl in the bar desperately wants you to go and talk to her. Her night would be boring if she didn’t meet you and she’ll be blown away by how awesome you are.
This will help you face these situations with positivity and become an extremely attractive guy to be around.
#2: You Haven’t Found the Right Girl Yet
Don’t beat yourself up about the fact you’ve never had a girlfriend. You simply haven’t met the right girl for you yet.
I didn’t meet my first real girlfriend until I was 29 going on 30.
The thing is girlfriends don’t miraculously fall from the sky and into your lap.
So ask yourself. What have you actually done to try and meet the girl of your dreams?
- Have you downloaded Tinder and created a profile?
- Have you signed up to online dating sites like Match.com, POF (Plenty of Fish) and Badoo?
- Have you been going out regularly or attended social events where you meet lots of new people?
- Have you joined a gym, yoga class or sports club?
- Have you gone to places women flock to like cafes, shopping malls, parks?
These days it doesn’t matter if you live in a small town, are too afraid to approach women, hate bars and clubs or are too busy with work to meet women.
Online dating apps like Tinder give you the opportunity to meet new women regardless of where you are, what your situation is, or how uncomfortable you are with talking to women in person.
What being single most of my life taught me is that the more girls you meet, the more you will begin to know what kind of girl you want as your girlfriend. And Tinder allows you to go from fishing in a pond to fishing in the sea!
So get out there and meet as many women as you can, otherwise you will latch on to the first girl that gives you any attention and potentially settle for a mediocre relationship rather than the girl of your dreams.
#3: You Lack Confidence Because of Your Girlfriend-Less Past
It’s no secret that women LOVE confident men.
And your girlfriend-less past is probably crushing your confidence around women.
You feel like women can tell you’ve been single all your life and you dread them finding out and pitying you.
I get it – but seriously man – this is NOT a big deal.
There is NO reason why this should effect your confidence in anyway.
Because you simply haven’t met a girl who’s good enough for you yet. You have high standards and will not settle for anything less than the girl of your dreams.
This is the reality of the situation and the mindset you need to adopt.
Besides, there are plenty of other things to make you feel confident about yourself around women even if you have very limited experience with the opposite sex.
Source your confidence elsewhere.
From your awesome career, your dedication to the gym, your new healthy life style, your new haircut, the size of your package, etc. Whatever makes you feel good about yourself, thrive off that.
Projecting confidence is also about body language and breathing. Put your shoulders back, chest out, raise your jaw, look people dead in the eyes and speak S L O W L Y with conviction.
This will not just make you appear more confident but FEEL more confident.
#4: Your Mates Are Dicks
Do your mates constantly make fun of the fact you’ve never had a girlfriend?
Do they pester you with questions like “have you met a girl yet bro?”, “when are you going to get a girlfriend?” or “when was the last time you got laid?”
When you’re out with your mates in social situations where there are women around do they put you down in front of the girls you like?
And this is going to sound harsh but I need to ask it:
Think for a second, what is your position in the group of friends you regularly hang out with? Are you the leader of the group or are you the guy who tags along and hangs in the background?
The guy who has to shuffle behind your two mates when you’re in a group of three and the sidewalk is too narrow.
The reason I ask this is because your position in the group of friends you hang out with when meeting women is crucial.
In high school I was always the “tag along” guy and because my social status in school was pretty much bottom of the ladder, the girls I liked flat out ignored me.
But in college I was able to reinvent myself and start fresh. Find a new group of friends who had no idea about how lame I was at school – and become one of the key decision makers in the group.
Women naturally lean on leaders, so if you are not one of the leaders in the current group of friends then consider finding some new friends to go out with.
A group in which people look up to you not put you down in front of others.
#5: You Are Mr Agreeable
If you are not a leader in your social group then you probably always agree with the decision makers to avoid confrontation (even when you really really don’t want to do something).
This sets women’s alarm bells ringing because succumbing to peer pressure and agreeing with people all the time makes it seem like you are trying to please people into liking you.
Women crave dominant men who are willing to risk rejection or confrontation to get what they want and what they think is right.
So next time you find yourself blindly agreeing to someone’s point of view (especially a woman’s) or agreeing to do something you’d rather not – actively STOP yourself on the spot and say NO.
Never be afraid to tell people when they’ve crossed the line.
Although it may piss people off for a short moment it will pay off BIG time in the long run because women will think “this guy isn’t a pushover. He has high expectations and doesn’t let anyone tell him what to do”.
Put simply, this is INCREDIBLY attractive.
Here’s an example of what this looks like in action. In this texting scenario the girl was late for a date so I called her out in a playful way:
Other than reminding yourself to say “NO” more often you can also dramatically improve the way women respond to you with the language you use.
When talking to girls remember that words like “maybe” instantly tell her you’re indecisive and that she’s in control.
Indecisiveness shows you’re not confident in yourself, you’re not a leader of men and perhaps don’t even deserve to hang out with the women you desire.
So replace passive words and phrases like “maybe”, “perhaps”, “possibly”, “would you like to?” etc., with assertive, masculine language that exhibits the leadership qualities women look for in men.
Use words like “listen”, “let’s”, “we should”, “we’re going to”, “you’re coming to”, etc.
Women are always secretly waiting for someone to tell them what to do. Here’s a text that does just that:
To recap, as a dominant man and leader of your group you:
*Are willing to risk rejection to get what you want and what you think is right
*Have high expectations of what things should be
So from now on stop worrying about what others will think of you and caring about how they’ll react to your honest opinion.
You’ll be surprised by how much more people will start to listen to you and look to you for decisions.
#6: You Are Too “Safe” With Women
Chances are you’ve been playing it too safe with the girls you like.
Waiting for the perfect moment rather than creating the moment and making it happen.
Next time you want to kiss a girl you can create the moment by doing this:
When you’re both laughing out loud, she’s looking into your eyes and perhaps even hitting you on the arm – pause whilst holding her gaze – if she’s holding a glass take it out of her hand and put it down – trace your eyes from her eyes to her lips then back up to her eyes – push your hand behind her head and under her hair – then kiss her.
Women are insanely attracted to men who are not afraid to take risks. Men who know what they want and go get it.
Even if you get rejected after approaching a girl in a club or go in for a kiss and get denied, women will respect you for having the balls to try.
Persistence is also a very attractive quality. A man who goes after what he wants and doesn’t give up is insanely attractive quality as long as you don’t become a borderline stalker.
So perhaps it’s time to start taking a few risks? After all – you have NOTHING to lose – since you have gained nothing from playing it safe all the time.
#7: Women Only See You As A Friend
I used to get sick of seeing my female friends be treated like garbage by their boyfriends. They would come to me to vent their frustrations and I would always offer a shoulder to cry on…
But instead of seeing how much I could offer them they ALWAYS went back to their jerk boyfriends and the cycle continued.
They’d tell me they wished they could “find a nice guy like you”, and I was like “but I AM me, why can’t she just see that I’m the one she’s looking for?!!!”
Later I discovered why I was constantly getting friend-zoned.
It was because I didn’t keep my relationships flirty enough from the get-go.
So if you’re always finding yourself stuck in friend-zone creek without a paddle you need to work on being more flirty like this:
Women need to be clear about your intentions and feel that they are overwhelmingly desired, not rationally considered.
So although you may think it risky, you need to have no shame or guilt about your sexual desires and let your natural desire appreciation spill out, for example:
The thought of getting sexual with women might seem impossible to you at the moment, but although you think getting sexual might ruin your chances forever, you’re actually more likely to mess things up for good by NOT putting it out there.
Women you’ve wanted to be your girlfriend in the past have probably become disinterested in you during the “sort of dating phase” because you failed to keep the sexual tension going and slipped into friendly conversation that went nowhere.
It is your job to do something. Even if it backfires she’ll respect you for it and hell, anything is better than getting friend-zoned!
#8: You Dress Like You’ve Never Got Laid
Sadly for women, millions of men dress like they have no interest in attracting the opposite sex.
You do realise attracting the opposite sex is the whole point of fashion right?
This is why women spend hours on their hair, makeup and $$$ on clothes so they never turn up to a party wearing the same dress twice.
Listen, I myself am insanely guilty of making this mistake of dressing “invisible” to women in the past.
I used to wear clothes two sizes too big for me and mismatched colours like I was colour blind.
No joke. Next time you walk down the street try to spot how many women you make eye contact with glance immediately down at your feet.
Do girls seem to like you less and less after every date?
And do you always seem to screw things up at the last hurdle?
Let’s talk about when you’re sort of dating a girl, but haven’t quite made it to “in a relationship” yet.
This is when you’ve been on a couple of dates, are texting each other everyday, but you’re both still getting to know each other and haven’t quite made it to the holding hands girlfriend / boyfriend point yet.
most guys who’ve never had a girlfriend usually get to this stage but fall short at the last hurdle.
- You are too available and prioritise women over your life purpose / mission. (e.g. you text back immediately and are always free to meet up)
- You reveal your emotions too early
- You are needy (e.g. you text her more than she does and suffocate her by trying to see her everyday)
Let’s break each of these points down so you can figure out where you’ve gone wrong in the past and how to make sure you never fail at the last hurdle again:
#10: You Are Too Available
If you always put women before your life purpose, or mission, then they will get bored of you.
It is hard wired in women’s DNA that a real man puts his mission ahead of her. His current life purpose is #1. This is the ultimate challenge she always wants to fight for but never wants to win.
So never make women the centre of your attention. Your mission comes first.
Because if you always keep a little part of yourself for her to try and win over, she’ll always have something to work for.
Have you been at that stage where you’re texting a girl who you want to be your girlfriend and always reply back immediately? Or when she asks to see you, you always stop what you’re doing to see her?
If you feel like you’ve been guilty of that in the past then from now on when you don’t have time to talk or even can’t be bothered because you’re having too much fun with your friends, simply wait until you are freed up.
For example, let’s say you’re at work and she says “I’m bored, what are you doing?”
Rather than replying immediately and negatively like every other chump does, e.g. “working on some boring report for my boss. He wants it before 3pm. Urgh. How’s your day?”
Instead…you wait until 6pm (or whenever you finish work) and say something that shows you’re a busy man and a leader of men. She will respect you for this, e.g.
You don’t have to be running your own business to be on a mission. You can be burning the midnight oil at college, hitting the gym hard, learning a new skill, etc. As long as it is a mission with goals then it is a mission.
Stay true to your mission. Never apologise for putting it above everything else – especially her.
#11: You Reveal Your Emotions Too Early
When you feel like a girl is slipping away you think that putting your heart on the table and telling her how you feel will make everything ok and make her come rushing back.
I used to make this mistake countless times in the past. I’d send texts like “I really like you”, or “I miss you”, or “I can’t stop thinking about you”, or, “I really want to see you again soon”.
You usually text these kinds of things after you’ve been on a few dates and you’ve already fallen for her. It’s when you think the last hurdle is in sight and then all of a sudden she starts to become cold, or doesn’t text you back as fast as she used to.
You feel like you’ve already invested a lot in her and when you feel lonely, and confused after she hasn’t replied in ages you seek her validation that she feels the same way and everything’s ok so you can put your mind at rest.
I get it. I get the painful heart wrenching feeling you get when all you want her to do is show her how much you like her, but dude, you must never, ever, EVER let your emotions get the better of you – especially in the critical early stages when you’re sort of dating her and aren’t official yet.
Don’t get me wrong, It’s ok to text her that you miss her when you’re finally together, but NEVER in the early stages of dating.
It’s all about maintaining the 50/50 balance of invested emotions in each other.
Women will run a mile from you if they sense you are more emotionally attached to them than they are to you.
The key to keeping your cool when you want to show her how much you appreciate her – without revealing your emotions and scaring her away – is to instead show your sexual appreciation for her.
We talked a little about getting sexual in the section about staying out of the friend-zone, so you know how important this is.
Tell her how sexy her neckline looked in that black dress she wore, how amazing her legs looked in those high heels, how that dress made her bum look edible, etc.
Here are some bullet points on what to say when you’re feeling emotional:
I miss you = Can’t stop thinking about how hot your neckline looked in that black dress. What delightful number do you plan to wear on our next encounter?
I can’t stop thinking about you = Is it weird that a the back of a Renault Megan just made me think about how amazing your bum looked last night?
I want to see you soon = So when am I going to reunited with those luscious legs of yours? Friday is looking good 🙂
I like you = You impressed me last night 🙂 I may even consider taking you to quiz night as long as you promise to be on your best behaviour.
I really like you = You impressed me last night to the point where I’d actually consider sharing needles with you in my crack den.
I love you = I think I could have fun in HELL with you 😉
#12: You Are Too Needy
Think about when you’ve been sort of dating girls in the past.
In the previous section we talked about maintaining that crucial 50/50 balance.
So try to remember if you were the one who appeared more eager, more “handsy” and always the one to push for seeing her again as soon as possible?
And did you make a lot of these mistakes when texting her:
1. Text her back immediately every single time
2. Send more texts a day than she sends you
3. Flatter her repeatedly (remember, you must tease her instead or get sexual)
4. Send her regular updates on your day
5. Send text monologues (10 line+ rambles)
6. Send her meaningless texts like “how are you?”, “what’s up?”, “Hi”
7. Text her when you’re drunk
8. Ask her if she’s still ok to go on a date with you
If you did any of the above then you made it obvious to her that you were the one more invested in the relationship. You were the one doing all the chasing and she was the one with all the power.
You were 70% invested and she was only 30%.
So let’s talk about how to maintain the 50/50 balance.
Never text her for the sole reason of getting a response. Always text her something she’ll actually WANT to respond to, e.g.
You see, women will assign a certain status level to you. If you are too needy and eager they will automatically assume you are lower status. That they hold all the cards.
Women want to work for you. They want a challenge.
That’s why you need to work on becoming more indifferent around women. Indifference is essentially an absence of need.
If you’re truly non needy and non eager then you will also naturally not be easily impressed. It is more of a challenge for her to get emotion out of you than other guys. You become a challenge to her.
So if she tries to force an emotional reaction you must resist.
Here’s an example of a text a girl might send you to test you. It’s called a shit test, and girls use these to throw you off guard and see how strong as a man you are:
Women use shit tests to filter out low value men and get to the quality ones.
The best way to deal with this is to either play along, completely ignore it, or simply say “you’re cute :)”.
Women want a rock in a stormy sea. With true indifference, NOTHING can shake you.
Once you master the art of indifference, the next step is to turn the tables and become the prize so she chases you.
Up until now you’ve always been the one to do all the chasing.
#13: You Do All the Chasing
The final element to keeping a girl hooked is to turn the tables around completely and get her chasing you. Make women come up to your level.
In the past, girls have lost interest in you because you put them up on a pedestal.
They saw you as lower status and lost interest because you were always the one pursuing them. There was no challenge for them to lock you down. If they wanted you they could have you. They never needed to fight for your acceptance.
You now understand what it takes to keep a girl interested in you by not revealing your emotions too early, being indifferent and putting your mission first.
You have already become much more of a challenge for girls to win over 🙂
But why stop there?
Here’s one more secret tip you can use to flip the switch entirely and get girls chasing you.
It’s called role reversal because it makes her out to be the sexual aggressor and you the prize she has to work for:
#14: Failing to Prepare is Preparing to Fail
Do you have one of these things?
It’s called a nightstand and NO…its main purpose is not for a book, a lamp and a glass of water.
It’s for storing condoms, lube and sex toys 😉
If you didn’t know that then I’m going to take another wild guess that you have no condoms in your house whatsoever and if you do you either don’t know where they are or they’re in your medicine cabinet and out of date.
Failing to prepare is preparing to fail.
Your home should always be prepped and ready for entertaining a girl at the flick of a switch.
So clean your place bro. When I say clean I mean SPOTLESS.
Also make sure your place is full of “conversation pieces”. By that I mean interesting items.
Books, records, things you’ve picked up on your travels – anything that shows you’re cultured.
My FAVOURITE conversation piece that ALWAYS leads to sexual conversation (and amazing sex) is my yoga ball:
Girls always ask about it AND sit on it when they walk into my apartment.
The third thing you need – and need in ABUNDANCE – are candles.
Make sure they are RED (the colour of passion) and mix up big ones with small ones:
Be sure to buy a spare tooth brush so she can brush her teeth.
Also get some women friendly body wash (that smells nice), a hairdryer, spare towel, basically anything you need to give a girl the 5-star Ritz Hotel service she deserves.
Keep a nice bottle of white wine in the fridge, a bottle of red in the cupboard and for the love of god get some wine glasses to serve it in (not crappy tumblers!)
It’s all about making women feel at home and making yourself feel like you’re ready to entertain company.
Tiny details are the key to making a woman feel like you are in control of your life, sophisticated and perfect boyfriend material.
This might all sound over the top to you, but knowing you have the perfect environment to entertain a lady friend at home will give you a huge boost of confidence.
Think about how much better will you feel knowing that your base is ready and waiting for you to take a girl back to?
The Next Step
Now that you understand why you’ve been single all your life, the next step is to start doing things differently!
If you’re ready to get started, watch this video to discover the 3 steps a woman goes through when she falls in love with a man:
When you know these 3 steps it’s pretty easy to make any girl obsess over you.
Wrapping It Up
Even if you only improve on one or two of the points mentioned here you’ll see a dramatic difference in the way both men and women respond to you.
The key takeaways from this should be that you should:
- Stop making excuses not to talk to girls you like
- Being single ROCKS. Don’t let it shake your confidence
- Work on your leadership skills by making decisions quickly
- Say “NO” more and disagree with people when they are wrong
- Take a few more risks. Go get that hot girl’s number you like!
- Work on being more flirty with the women you interact with
- Focus on your life goals and don’t be available all the time
Which of the 14 reasons spoke to you the most?
If you’ve worked out why you’ve never had a girlfriend before and want to share how you’re going to use this advice to get one, post your thoughts in the comments below.