If you are on the autism spectrum and wish there was a clear way to tell if a girl likes you – without having to straight-up ask her – then this article is for you.
One of my best mates has aspergers and in my final year of college we often discussed girls together.
He’d usually pop round my place early in the mornings before class. Often WAY too early!!
We’d chill out on the sofa and decipher his recent text interactions with the girl he was texting at the time.
I was always happy to help even if it was bloody 7 in the morning!!
The girl he was texting at the time was an overseas student from China. They’d met through a language partner exchange program offered by the college.
I came to understand Jon’s main sticking points when it came to dating.
Rather than enjoying the experience he was always constantly worrying about whether the girl liked him or not.
In fact, this was the bulk of our daily conversations. He’d show me how he was texting the girl he liked or tell me about their latest face to face interaction and ask me if what she said indicated if she liked him or not.
After a while I discovered that Jon’s obsession with affirming this girl’s interest for him was a big problem. A problem he needed to address if he ever wanted to get a girlfriend.
Because the thing about dating is if you reveal your emotions too soon or come across needy, desperate, or too intense it can make girls run a mile.
It sucks, I know, but unfortunately that’s how it is.
The great thing is that there are various subtle queues you can spot to know if a girl is interested in you or not rather than straight up asking her and risking rejection.
So for those of you guys with autism who may or may not struggle with a similar thing to my friend Jon, here are my top tips on how to tell if a girl likes you!
This article covers both texting and face-to-face interactions.
Spotting the signs she likes you (instead of straight up asking her)
One of the infuriating things about dating is the back and forth sub-conscious mind games you play.
Games over how invested your interest is for one another.
You constantly feel the need to question everything:
- She’s just texted back – Should I text her immediately or would that come across too keen?
- Does she like me or does she only consider me a friend?
- We didn’t kiss on the first date – Will she want to meet up again?
- She’s always busy whenever I suggest meeting up – Am I coming across too keen? Or is she just playing hard to get?
- We didn’t have sex last night – Is something wrong?
Jon later told me the need to know exactly where you stand is apparently one of the common problems for many autistic people.
There is the constant need for verbal reaffirmation – confirming everything is OK, seeking assurance the girl still likes you, and rushing to book in the next date whilst face to face.
Unfortunately this desire to verbally communicate emotions in a literal sense, can be an uncomfortable experience during the early stages of dating for someone from a neuro-typical perspective.
Earlier on I mentioned how revealing your emotions can work against you.
A girl might feel like things are moving too fast, it’s too intense and you’re trying to ‘lock her down’.
How to tell if a girl likes you over text
With reaffirmation being such an attraction killer, you have to do everything in your power to avoid committing this self inflicted crime.
The secret is to understand the subtle yet obvious cues women throw out as bait for us men to pick up on.
When texting a girl, the most obvious sign she likes you is if she initiates conversations by herself. This means she’s thinking about you, is interested in what you’re up to and is probably looking to meet up.
Here are some more subtle and obvious signs she likes you:
- She starts replying faster and texting you more often than usual
- She agrees with many of your points of view
- She laughs out loud at your jokes and engages in the conversation
- She asks your opinion on something she likes that might put you off, e.g. “would you still like me if I told you I hate dogs?”
- She tells you she’s been exercising or doing yoga (i.e. she’s got a great body and she’s good in bed)
Once you’re able to pick up on these subtle cues of interest, you can be confident in knowing she likes you without having to openly ask her.
It’s also the perfect time to pitch a date!
Here’s a test to see if she likes you or not
Another great way to test her level of interest when texting is to throw out some bait of your own.
Be the fisherman and hook her interest!
You can do this by insinuating a date. Rather than explicitly asking her out.
I’ll give you an example to better explain this.
Let’s pretend the girl you like is into hiking. And you want to set up a hiking date… Here’s first how NOT to do it:
Instead, text her something like this:
Notice the subtle difference?
Then simply wait for her to take the bait.
If she replies positively – continue to arrange the meet up.
By insinuating the date, you’re not putting her under pressure to say YES (like in the first text example). So if she replies positively, you know she’s keen to spend time with you.
12 signs a girl likes you when you’re with her (in person)
When you’re with a girl in person there are a number of subtle cues that instantly give away how she feels about you.
Some of these cues are stronger than others.
Sign #1: She laughs at your jokes even if they’re not funny
Especially in a group situation, a clear sign a girl is into you is if she laughs louder and longer than anyone else in the group.
One reason women do this is because they want to show you they like you more than anyone else does.
It’s a subtle way of seeking your approval. Of hoping you’ll notice she appreciates you.
Sign #2: She smiles a lot around you
Just like laughing at your jokes, when a girl is really happy around you she won’t be able to wipe the smile off her face!
A big smile when she sees you, whilst she’s talking to you or even when she’s talking to her friends and looking over at you from across the room.
A smile always speaks a thousand words.
Sign #3: Are her friends smiling too?
It’s not just her smile that’ll give the game away.
If all her friends are smiling too when they talk to you, or you notice them giggling with each other whilst looking at you from across the room, this is a clear sign that her friends are “in the know” that she likes you.
Oh and if they playfully nudge her towards you so she bumps into you then you’ve hit the jackpot! Her friends very much approve of you and her getting together!
Sign #4: She re-applies her makeup on a date
If you’re on a date with a girl and after excusing herself to go to the bathroom she returns with a fresh lick of lipstick, it means she’s made the effort to look prettier for you.
Sign #5: She plays with her hair
An instant giveaway she likes you is when a girl plays with her hair whilst listening to what you have to say.
Girls usually do this after you say something funny, reveal a common interest, agree on a point of view or stick up for her in a confrontational scenario.
This is a red hot indicator she likes you…even more hot if she does this whilst holding eye contact.
Sign #6: She holds eye contact
Whenever you see an incredibly attractive girl you probably can’t stop looking at her right?
Sneaking a peak as many times as possible?
It’s like an addiction.
Girls experience that same feeling when they’re attracted to a guy. They simply can’t stop looking at you.
When a girl holds eye contact with you whilst talking it also indicates that she’s comfortable around you and interested in what you have to say. A clear sign she’s into you.
TIP: If you feel uncomfortable holding eye contact with a girl, try focusing on the bridge of their nose instead. It’ll appear like you’re looking her in the eyes.
Sign #7: She mirrors your body language and gestures
This is a fun one to look out for.
When people feel comfortable around you they will often unconsciously mirror your movements.
For example, if you’re sitting opposite her with your elbow resting on the table and your head in your palm and she does the same.
Sign #8: She drinks her drink at the same time as you
When you are really in sync with a girl she will constantly drink her drink at the same time as you.
Sometimes is genuinely feels like you’re looking in the mirror!
I love it when this happens – even more so when a girl holds eye contact whilst doing so – because it’s a clear sign she’s lost in the moment and very, very attracted to you.
Sign #9: She can’t stop touching you
Isn’t it amazing when a girl you like accidentally touches your hand by mistake?
That electric feeling you get that rushes through your veins. Just like gazing into a beautiful girl’s eyes it’s addictive!
Well guess what? It’s the same for girls and when a girl really likes you she will get high off touching you as many times as possible.
Bumping shoulders, playfully budging you with her elbow, tapping you on the shoulder to get your attention, grabbing your arm when she’s laughing hysterically…all these little touches are clear indicators that she likes you.
Nobody touches someone they’re not comfortable around.
So if a girl you’re with keeps making excuses to touch you then feel good about yourself because she’s addicted to you!
Sign #10: She always tries to be around you
Let’s say you’re in a group of people, perhaps it’s a social gathering.
If you notice she’s always trying to stand near you, sit by you or she often looms behind you – waiting whilst you talk to someone else – then that’s a clear sign she wants to spend as much time around you as possible.
Just like touching, she can’t get enough of you.
Sign #11: She also makes excuses to see you
A girl who wants to be around you, or spend as much time with you as possible will also often make as many excuses as possible to hang out with you.
She’ll text you to hang out, often ask what you’re up to and proactively try to join you in whatever it is you’re doing.
Sign #12: She’ll ask you for help even if she doesn’t need it
One of the best excuse a girl will use to hang out with you is ask you for help with something.
Perhaps it’s some homework, a problem with her computer or she, whatever it is she thought of you because she wants to see you.
It’s not uncommon for a girl to completely make up a problem she has just so she can spend time with you. She probably already knows exactly what’s wrong with her computer but will ask you anyway just because it’s a good excuse for you to come over!
Remember, girls also get nervous about what you might think of them, especially when they’re really into you they also fear pushing you away by being too keen, so making excuses to see you is something a lot of girls will do if they can’t think of any other legitimate reason to get you to meet up with them!
Wrapping it up
Now you know exactly how to tell if a girl likes you without the need to straight-up ask her.
I recommend memorising some of the key cues a girl is interested in you so next time you’re with a girl you like you can spot those tell tale signs and stay positive that everything’s going great!
The key ones to look out for are:
- She initiates conversations over text, e.g. “what are you doing?”
- She agrees with many of your points of view
- She’s excited when you insinuate a date
- She smiles a lot around you
- She laughs at your jokes more than others and even when they’re not funny
- She plays with her hair and holds eye contact when talking to you
- She drinks her drink at the same time as you
- She always makes excuses to spend time with you
One more thing worth mentioning before we wrap this up is if you’ve already asked a girl if she likes you, are experiencing reaffirmation issues or sense the girl you’re dating is losing interest, now might be the best time to open up about your autism (if you haven’t done so already).
But first things first. Take your foot off the ‘investment’ pedal.
Slow down on texting. Give her 24-48 hours of breathing space and wait for her to text you. And never be the one to send the first text each day.
Same goes for arranging meet ups. Avoid making yourself readily available and tying her down to dates. Flip the switch. Wait for her to suggest a date.
This will dramatically reduce the intensity of the situation.
Then when the time is right, open up about your autism when you next see her in person (NOT over text).
Discuss the difficulty you face with interpreting non-verbal signals and explain why a shared understanding to both speak candidly about feelings would make for a healthier relationship.
This will help remove the guesswork and paranoia of not knowing where you stand in the relationship. And in turn make the situation far less intense!
And that’s a wrap!
If you think I’ve missed any key signs a girl likes you out please share them in the comments and I’ll add them to the article.
matthew greatorex says
Hi, I have quite a mild form of aspergers, however have always struggled distinguishing between friendship and love interest. I have pretty much liked all of my closest friends that are Girls at some point because of this, however at the moment i like this girl who although is a close friend, i feel this time it is different. We live together at university along with 6 others so i feel if i was to pursue this there would be friction in the house. The difficulty I am having is that this girl is quite flirtatious in general so i’m having an even harder time working out whether or not she is interested.