One of the worst feelings in the world is noticing something is beginning to slip away and not being able to do anything to stop it.
Especially if it’s someone you care about who is slowing beginning to lose interest.
And when you have no idea where you went wrong or how to recover the dynamic you worked so hard to foster.
If this sounds like you, don’t worry. Because in this article you’ll discover how to keep her interested in you – through your conversations, texts, and face-to-face interactions.
How to keep a girl interested in you
According to professor of psychology, Kelly Campbell Ph.D., the most common reasons people lose interest in their partners are:
- their partner’s lack of confidence, and
- when they come off as desperate or caring too much.
More often than not, these two factors at play will:
(a) lead her to become bored,
(b) give her the desire to meet someone else, or even…
(c) make her change her mind about you.
Any of which can be enough to break your heart and set back your mojo.
Well, lucky for you I have spend countless restless nights replaying the things I did wrong with girls of the past, and building a strategy to ensure that I never find myself in that position again.
And I’m going to save you the time and the aggravation by sharing my method with you.
The following 10 tips are guaranteed to ignite and maintain the spark, notorious and elusive as it is, between you and that special lady. Here are 10 ways how to keep her interested:
1. Take Charge
There are a couple of things I mean when I say “take charge””.
I mean be direct, be purposeful and be in control of your own destiny.
On a smaller scale, this means planning the dates. It doesn’t mean telling her what to do, but it is telling her what you plan on doing instead of asking her to dictate how she wants you to behave.
Ultimately, girls want to be desired by a strong, confident man. A girl does not want to have to tell you to come pick her up at 7pm, or ask you to take her out for coffee.
Doing so not only makes her feel undesirable, but it also makes you seem either uninterested (making her less likely to invest time in you) or unsure of yourself (making her less likely to see you as a mate that can make her feel protected / provided for).
Think about it this way, she wants to spend time with someone who can add value to her life (same as you!). She doesn’t want to waste her time. She wants to spend time with someone who knows what they want and knows how to get it.
2. Keep it creative
This comes back to the whole concept of adding value to her life. She doesn’t want to come over, sit in your basement and watch movies every time you meet up. She can do that on her own.
Let me be clear, there is nothing wrong with a movie night! I love a good movie night, but there are ways to “level up” a movie night that will impress her.
You don’t have to do crazy, lavish things to impress a girl. You just have to show that you put the slightest thought into doing something nice. This way, you allow her to continue to feel desired as opposed to someone who is just a part of your routine. This is a surefire way for how to keep her interested in you.
So for example, to level up a movie night, you could set up seating and blankets outside and make hot chocolate with marshmallows or go to the candy store together and pick up snacks she might not have had since she was a kid (ladies love nostalgia).
Keeping it creative can be as simple as adding a “theme” to anything. Taco night, craft beer night, European beer night, donut walk, etc.
3. Keep the mystery alive
Whether it’s by not showing all of your cards on the first date, or by sharing new things about yourself bit by bit, it is critical that you maintain some mystery to ensure she keeps coming back for more.
You must be careful to ensure that she sees you as a complex, multifaceted renaissance man with many layers of interest.
By showing all of your cards on the first date, she is in the powerful position where she can either take it or leave it. Which is not what you want… And this is a common reason why a girl ghosts after the first date.
When you play a video game, you are less likely to continue to play if you beat the game first time around. When you are reading a book or watching a movie, you probably aren’t going to be as interested or curious if it’s obvious from the start what the story is about.
If you come off as basic, or easy, she is less likely to feel special by having your interest. She is less likely to find your attention valuable.
4. Maintain interesting conversation topics
If you want to keep a girl interested you have to bring value. If I am beginning to sound like a broken record, it’s because this is important. You don’t want her to get bored.
Sometimes, when you spend a lot of time speaking with someone, you run out of conversation topics. This is why it’s so important to continue to keep up with your own interests and hobbies and work towards having a full and active social life, even when you might feel like you want to spend all of your time speaking to her.
This way, instead of replying “not much” or “nothing really” to her asking what your plans are next weekend, you’ll be able to instead say something which makes you sound more valuable and alluring and less like a boring oaf.
So if you’ve been left on read, or find your conversations with her via text are going no where, then work on having an active social life, so she finds you more interesting.
5. Be a gentlemen
If you are able to come off as both a confident guy AND a gentleman, you’ll be miles ahead of the pack in keeping her interest.
Most often, women see confident, powerful guys as f*ckboy womanizers. While this might be alluring initially, it becomes all too predictable and ultimately ends up turning what used to be a “confidence charm” into arrogance.
The type of BDE (big dong energy) that keep girls interested in the long run is that which makes a girl feel taken care of. If you are a gentleman, she is more likely to feel comfortable introducing you to her friends and family, and they are more likely to stand in your corner if she ever turns to them for advice about you.
Being a gentleman also means being respectful of her space while you aren’t together. If you’re only a gentleman when you get what you want, you don’t really have the confidence it takes to be the kind of man she is attracted to.
Your confidence will show if you are both a gentleman in times of triumph and in times of failure. Remember how emasculating unsportsmanlike conduct can really be:
6. Maintain personal space
It is absolutely crucial you remain your own person, especially when you feel yourself being absorbed into her spell.
While it may sound counter-intuitive to keep space from someone you want to spend more time with, you have to remember that she initially became interested enough to spend time with you before ever having spent time with you at all. This was because you were this well rounded person with friends and hobbies.
Whether it is true, or an allusion of society, the restaurants that look the best are the ones with the fewest empty tables. If you appear to be “too available”, she might wonder why you never have anything else going on.
If you are always around, she might take for granted that the time you actually do spend together is special / or quality time.
7. Show genuine interest
It all comes back to her feeling desired by you. Her feeling that you are interested in her and not just the idea of her, or that you are interested in just her and not talking this way with other girls this way as well.
She wants to be the exception. There is a caveat to that, however. She doesn’t want to be the only girl you CAN get. She wants to be the only girl you want and for you to see her as special.
You can show her that you want her by paying attention to things that are important to her, by asking her about things that matter to her, by trying to get to know her better and by appreciating what you’ve come to learn.
Be thoughtful and deliberate. Compliment her and let her know she matters to you (either by actions, words, or both)
8. Don’t get complacent
When you become more comfortable with someone, you let your guard down, relax and often feel like you can be more yourself around the person you are with. This is great!… But this can also be a huge repellant to attraction.
I see way too often couples who let themselves go once they feel settled. This is poison.
Maintain your mystery, maintain your looks, continue to try new things, go out together, get dressed up for each other, complement each other, appreciate each other, get a new cologne, spice things up!
Life is short and she doesn’t to be wasting her time re living the same date with some guy who is growing less and less interesting and appealing. (Especially if her friends are talking about all the fun dates they are going on).
9. Don’t be a yes man
Challenge her. While it may be true that women like to be right, you have to remember that she wants to be right because she is right, not because you are afraid to challenge her.
Women want to be with a man who is self-assured, who is able to stand his own, who is able to fight his corner (and hers). By agreeing with everything she says, you might be a good pet but you’ll never be her ideal partner.
TIP: If you DO want to be her ideal partner, then check out this article to make her choose you.
The reason they say opposites attract is because tension attracts. (Think about it, sexual tension is undeniably attractive).
Be your own person, have your own opinions, make up your own mind (yes, keep it open, but don’t look to her to instruct).
10. Don’t stop flirting
If you want to keep her interested, remember how you got her interested in the first place, and remember how the guy who is waiting behind you in line plans to get her attention if she gets bored of being treated like your cousin.
Same thing goes with your texting. Don’t play it safe and become boring. Continue to flirt with her over text to keep her interested in you.
Just because “you got her” doesn’t mean you have her. A healthy relationship is one where you keep winning each other over.
She still wants to feel like a woman, to feel desired by a man and to make sure it is you who continues to do that job, you cannot treat her like bro as soon as you get comfortable.
Keep the chase alive, keep up the tension, keep that spark ignited.
Bonus: Because I am thorough, and a little bit of a perfectionist, I have scoured the web in search of articles that complete or compliment what you just read.
Summarized below are the major takeaways to ensure you keep her interested in you.
Be your own man
- masculine attracts feminine – it is biologically ingrained so use it as a tool to your advantage.
- Be confident, deliberate, self-assured and take action. Be a man for your girl and make her feel like a woman. Be a source of strength and reliability. Someone she can trust and depend on. Someone who has their shit figured out.
Keep up the tension
- Be spontaneous, be playful, be flirty.
- But remember the importance of balance and recognise when she needs to be to be listened to, or comforted or reassured.
Don’t ever forget that there is always a next guy in line who promises to fill whatever void you’ve created.
- So don’t be complacent. Keep improving on yourself. Let her know that you are invested in her and in you. And follow through on that. Be a man of your word. Dont give her a reason to look elsewhere.
How to keep a girl interested: Wrapping it up
So that’s it! You now have 10 powerful ways to re-spark the flame and keep her hooked on you.
And don’t worry, you still have a great chance with this girl. Don’t feel like you’ve blown it. Because with these tips on how to keep her interested at your disposal, you’ll be able to turn things around with her asap 🙂