How to Drop Kick Your Approach Anxiety into Oblivion

The process of approaching a girl is pretty simple.

All you’ve gotta do is walk up to her and say “Hi”.

But the problem is, this is a lot easier said than done.

That’s because of the mental mindfuck going on in your head before you approach her.

And this ‘mindfuck’ is what makes approaching girls quite possibly the hardest step to contend with in the whole dating process.

Am I right?

And worse even if you suffer with social anxiety or happen to fall into the shy-introvert category like me.

If so, just talking to new people is a fear inducing activity in itself….let alone talking to hot women.

When you see a girl you want to approach, you come up with lame excuses like:

“It looks like she doesn’t want to be hassled…”
“She’s probably got a boyfriend…”
“She’s gonna reject me…I don’t wanna embarrass myself infront of my friends”

It’s like being dragged underwater with an anchor strapped to your leg.

Held captive by your anxiety and insecurities, that prevent you from meeting the girl of your dreams.

Yes, you can learn set routines and pre-planned lines to help break the ice, BUT unless you cleanse your anxiety-riddled mind first…

…you’re a dead man walking.

And I’m telling you this from ball-breaking experience.

Women have a sixth sense for this shit. They smell fear like a hungry shark…. But unlike a shark, they won’t take a bite.

So in this post, you’ll discover a simple mind hack that will drop-kick your approach anxiety into oblivion.

Once hardwired to your brain, you’ll find approaching girls a piece of cake.

So first off, let me ask you a question.

Whenever you meet someone new, do you often forget their name almost immediately after introducing yourself?

If the answer is ‘Yes’, the reason is NOT necessarily because you’re terrible with remembering names…

It’s often because you’re too focused on making a good first impression….that you forget to actually listen!

Basically you ‘give a fuck’ what the other person thinks of you.

Don’t quote me on this, I’m no psychologist.

But I think it’s the underlining reason why.

I recently explored this concept after reading Mark Manson’s New York Times Bestseller, The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck.

I’m sure you’ve heard of it.

This book resonated with me, and subsequently inspired me to write this article.

Because a lot of Mark’s material can be directly applied to approaching and meeting women.

Here are a few takeaways from his book.

“Not giving a f*ck is about being comfortable with being different and caring about something more important than adversity.”

“If you find yourself consistently giving too many f*cks about trivial shit that bothers you, chances are you don’t have much going on in your life to give a legitimate f*ck about”

“The key to a good life is not giving a f*ck about more; it’s giving a fuck about less, giving a fuck about only what is true and immediate and important.”

So how does this “not giving a fuck” mentality relate to approaching women?

Well, first off let’s get to the root cause of approach anxiety.

What is Approach Anxiety?

Approach anxiety and social anxiety are fundamentally the same thing.

If we look up the definition of social anxiety it’s the “fear of interaction with other people that brings on self-consciousness, feelings of being negatively judged and evaluated, and, as a result, leads to avoidance.”

And approach anxiety is no different. It’s the fear of rejection (being negatively judged and evaluated)

Basically approach anxiety stems from worrying what a girl will think of you.

The worry you’ll come across as one of the following:

1. A sexual pest,
2. Mr Boring with zero chat,
3. or just a pain in the ass.

And that’s just the tip of the iceberg….

You’ve got the people who witness you chatting up the girl to worry about too:

People passing you on the street, the old lady sitting on the park bench enjoying her ice cream, or your mates sitting next to you in a rowdy bar.

Unfortunately there’s pretty much never a perfect moment to approach a girl. You’re almost always going to have someone watching or listening close by.

It’s natural to give a fuck what other people think of you. But when it comes to approaching girls, it can be extremely self-destructive.

At this point, it’s worth re-reading the second Mark Manson quote:

“If you find yourself consistently giving too many f*cks about trivial shit that bothers you, chances are you don’t have much going on in your life to give a legitimate f*ck about”

After reading Mark’s book, I now regard this issue of – ‘worrying what girls I approach think of me’ – to be ‘trivial shit’ not worthy of giving a fuck about.

Because once you see approach anxiety for what it actually is – stressing out whether a stranger will reject you or not.

You realise how silly it is.

I mean, should you really care what a stranger you laid eyes on 2 seconds ago, thinks of you?! Absolutely not!

They mean nothing to you. Nada. Zilch. So what have you got to lose?

Say what the hell you want, risk causing offence, and just be yourself. Having no filter is highly regarded, and she’ll respect you for it.

After all, your friends love you for being you. So chances are the hot girl in the pink dress will too.

Once you can mentally block out the anxiety of people judging you, you can actually enjoy approaching women.

Examples of Not Giving A Fuck

You might be struggling to visualise how you can adopt this mentality.

So lets look at some examples of people who have this “not giving a fuck” mindset nailed to a T.

First theres the eccentric guy on the tube dressed like a total looney:

You can tell he’s 100% content with being different and no doubt fully aware he’s drawing attention to himself. But he’s cool with it. It doesn’t faze him.

Total number of fucks given = 0

Next, consider the public selfie or Instagram (un)worthy food snap epidemic.

For most people it’s a bit embarassing to be seen in public holding up a selfie stick… and because of this, will likely perform a quick scan of the room before committing their act of lameness.

On the contrary, those who ‘don’t give a fuck’ might take 20 pout-worthy selfies, or brazenly stand up on a restaurant table to snap the perfect birds-eye view shot of their breakfast.

They hold this unusual ability to mentally block everyone else out. It’s like they’re unaware anyone else exists.

You’ve got to admire it.

And this is EXACTLY the mentaility you need to adopt when approaching girls!

Now let’s look at how this ‘mindset change’ can be applied to the nasty side of approaching girls… getting rejected.

Dealing with Rejection

Unfortunately rejection is inevitable. It’s something we all experience.

No matter how charming you are, or how good a pickup line at your disposal, if a girl isn’t into you, that’s it. End of.

So rejection is something you HAVE to deal with.

And how skilled you become at approaching girls is largely dependent on how you deal with rejection.

“Everything worthwhile in life is won through surmounting the associated negative experience. Any attempt to escape the negative, to avoid it or quash it or silence it, only backfires. The avoidance of suffering is a form of suffering.” The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck

This “not giving a fuck” mindset is a brilliant coping mechanism for surmounting the negative experience associated with rejection.

Because if you can give less of a fuck about it, you’ll be able to brush it off and quickly bounce to the next girl….rather than take every rejection to heart and let it mess with your self esteem.

Here’s one quick fix that works well – assume every girl who rejects you is a lesbian.

Say to yourself “ahh she must be a lesbian, no wonder she was so cold”

Something as simple as this will help keep your ego intact 😉

The less of a fuck you give about getting rejected, the better!

Perfecting your Approach Skills

“Improvement at anything is based on thousands of tiny failures, and the magnitude of your success is based on how many times you’ve failed at something. If someone is better than you at something, then it’s likely because she has failed at it more than you have” The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck

Like with anything in life, practice makes perfect. And the more you open sets and talk to women, the more your approach anxiety will fade away.

Your social skills are like a muscle. If you give them a good work out (going to bars, talking to women), they get stronger….

However if you avoid interacting with women and seek refuge in your basement, that muscle will wither away.

And you risk acting like salad fingers around women…

Malcolm Gladwell famously said “10,000 hours is the magic number of greatness.” (to master any skill).

Now I don’t suggest you dedicate 10,000 hours to approaching women! But you get the point right?

No one’s as smooth as Ryan Gosling in Crazy Stupid Love on their first attempt.

So get out there, put the hours in, and soon you’ll be giving zero fucks about your approach anxiety 😉

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