How To Get A Girlfriend in 17 Insanely Actionable Steps

How To Get A Girlfriend

So…girls like you but not that “one” girl you truly desire.

Not your dream girl.

That’s because if you want HER to choose YOU then you need to stand out and become her obvious choice.

You’re about to discover how to get a girlfriend by becoming her obvious choice, so she chooses you over all the other guys chasing her.

There’s no wishy washy bullsh*t here like “be more confident” or “talk to more girls”.

Just 17 proven steps you can start using right now to attract that special girl you like and make her your girlfriend.

Sound good? Then keep reading…

Step 1: Stop assuming she won’t be interested in you!

stop making excuses not to talk to her

STOP making excuses not to go and talk to the girl you like.

Like assuming she won’t be interested in your because you’ve never had a girlfriend.

Instead assume that every girl is interested in you because after all…you’re friggin awesome!

Here’s how to re-write some common negative excuses with positive reasons to TAKE ACTION!

For example:

“It’s no use talking to her, she won’t be interested in me” = “I should go talk to her she looks bored”

“She’s out of my league” = “I wonder if she’s cool enough to hang out with?”

This will help you approach girls you like with positivity and you’ll naturally become an extremely attractive guy to be around.

Step 2: Next time you see her give her a genuine compliment

give her a genuine compliment

Show her you like her by giving her a genuine compliment.

The best way is to be specific, so say the first thing you notice about her that makes your heart beat.

Perhaps it’s her ravishing red lipstick, her cute smile, or her hair is tied back for the first time.

If you struggle to say something on the spot because you’re blown away by everything all at once then simply: “Wow. You look amazing” or even just “WOW”.

If you forget to compliment her when you first meet her you can compliment her randomly out of the blue at any moment.

It’ll come as more of a surprise, for example, “You look amazing in that dress”, “I like it when you tie your hair back”, or if you’re standing behind her or even sitting in front of her, “you should checkout the view from here, it’s incredible”.

Notice how these compliments are sexual, NOT emotional.

You’ll discover why expressing your natural desire is a crucial part of getting a girlfriend in a moment.

BONUS: If you’re interested in a step-by-step system for getting a girlfriend, read our Review of The Girlfriend Activation System here (if you follow this system you WILL get a girlfriend).

Step 3: Make a unique connection with her

Think of all the inside jokes you and your best mate have and how nobody else “gets” what the hell you guys are giggling about when you drop one around other people.

Unique connections are the foundation of solid relationships. They make you subconsciously feel like you’ve known someone forever and that you’re relationship is “special”.

Now imagine how powerful this could be at connecting you and that special girl you like?

To build a special connection so she feels unique to you start by giving her a nickname.

I nicknamed this girl “Grouchy” and she nicknamed me “Master”:


Here’s how to create opportunities for nicknames and inside jokes to happen naturally:

  • Tease her about something she says then create a nickname based on that
  • Express your opinions and don’t hold back on sticking to your beliefs – she’s more likely to connect with you on something sooner
  • Look at the world like a child for the first time. Always be looking for fun and weirdness in the environment around you

For example, My girlfriend and I nicknamed a guy walking down the street “100%” because he had appalling fashion sense (the sarcasm was strong with this one):

100 percent fashion inside joke

Now we are constantly on the look out for another 100% but have so far only spotted a 90% “sob sob :’(”

Inside jokes tied to specific locations or experiences will make her recall happy memories with you – and the more happy memories she has – the more important you will become in her life!

Step 4: Be wildly unpredictable and spontaneous (but don’t kidnap lamas!)

Most people lead boring, predictable lives, so they’re attracted to people who are exciting and a bit unpredictable.

There is a definitive link between danger and physical / romantic attraction. So the more unpredictable you are, the more chance she will fall for you.

I’m not talking about smoking pot and kidnapping lamas…


NO – I’m talking about doing something spontaneous to make that girl you like crazy stupid high when she least expects it!

Spontaneous dates, randomly picking her up in your arms and twirling her around when she’s laughing her ass off, picking her up and dumping her in a swimming pool, grabbing her hand when it’s raining and dancing around in it, etc.

Here’s a great example of how to go for a spontaneous date when a girl texts you because she’s bored:

Boyfriend Material Reply

Note: if you don’t watch Game of Thrones, Jaime and Cersei are brother and sister but have an incestuous relationship. Basically it’s a pretty kinky text 😉

FYI: You might think you don’t need to be as spontaneous after you officially make a girl your girlfriend…

…But if you stop being spontaneous then she will lose attraction for you because she’ll wonder “where did that exciting guy go”.

So never forget to keep being spontaneous with your future girlfriend after you’re officially together.

Step 5: Keep your relationships with girls flirty (to stay out of the friend-zone)

stay out of the friend zone

Earlier I told you to give her sexual compliments rather than emotional ones.


Because expressing your emotional attachment to a girl before she’s equally invested in you is a sure fire way to get friend-zoned.

So if you want to know how to get a girlfriend you should also know how to stay out of the friend-zone because you won’t get anywhere if you don’t keep your relationships with girls flirty.

Don’t get me wrong, It’s ok tell a girl you miss her when you’re finally together, but NEVER in the early stages of dating.

That’s because women will run a mile if they sense you are more emotionally attached to them than they are to you.

If there’s no more mystery, suspense or anticipation she’ll get bored and friend-zone you.

The way to show a girl how much you appreciate her – without revealing your emotions and scaring her away – is to instead show your sexual appreciation for her.

I miss you = Can’t stop thinking about how hot you looked in that black dress. What delightful number do you plan to wear on our next encounter?

I can’t stop thinking about you = Is it weird that a the back of a Renault Megan just made me think about how amazing your bum looked last night?

I want to see you again soon = So when am I going to reunited with your sexy ass? Friday is looking good

I like you = You impressed me last night to the point where I’d actually consider sharing needles with you in my crack den.

I love you = I think I could have fun in HELL with you

Step 6: Put your mission first (think Tony Stark and Bruce Wayne)

Man on a mission

Billions of dollars and rugged good looks are NOT Bruce Wayne, Tony Stark and Christian Grey’s most attractive qualities.


What makes these guys most attractive is that they put their mission first.

When Tony Stark is working on a new Iron Man suit or Bruce Wayne has some criminal to track down, neither Tony or Christian let anything distract them (even sex) from completing their goals.

Their girlfriends always fight to take these guys away from their mission, but it is a fight they never actually want to win, because women want men who stick to their goals and don’t drop them for anything.

So whenever you are in pursuit of a goal (like hitting the gym, building your business, or studying) you should never stop what you are doing to make time for others because your mission is always #1.

For example, you do not answer the phone or respond to texts when you are on your mission or you do not sacrifice a gym workout for a binge drinking session with your friends.

You must also remember to stick to your mission, even if it means cancelling your plans to see a girl who’s important to you:

Cancelling Your Plans to See Her

A man who will drop the pursuit of his goals to please other people is not a man on a mission.

So although she may appear upset or pissed at you she secretly does NOT want you to put her first, especially when you are only “sort of dating” and not invested emotionally in a relationship yet:

Never Apologise for Putting Your Mission First

Never apologise for putting your mission before her.

Even after you and your future girlfriend become official, you must not sacrifice your mission to “please” her by spending more time with her.

Step 7: Stand up for yourself (even if you risk a fist fight)

A big part of getting a girlfriend is showing her you’ll “keep it real” in a confrontational scenario and stand up for what you believe is right. That you’re a protector not a pushover.

So whether it’s standing up for a girl when someone tries to mess with her or where you strongly disagree with something she says – showing her you have a backbone and that you won’t let anyone walk over you is a huge turn on!

Displays of passion and anger show you care. And when women see a man stand strong, stick to his guns, take his chances and put his life on the line in a hostile situation it makes them dizzy with excitement.

Eric Northman from True Blood, did drastic and violent things for Sookie (his lover’s) protection. He’d rip out hearts, kill superiors and literally do anything to keep Sookie safe:

Eric Northman Protecting Sookie

Protectors give women an intoxicating feeling of power. It rubs off on them and they love it!

Don’t get me wrong…I’m not saying you should become a serial killer 😉

I’m saying that if you never upset the apple cart and always avoid the painful consequences of your words and actions, you’ll set women’s alarm bells ringing.

You will appear fake and weak, like you’re trying to passively please women into a relationship and/or sex.

PRO TIP: Girls will often test you to see if you’ll stay strong to your beliefs. Mr Agreeable fails because he fakes the same interests (e.g. he likes Justin Bieber).

Protectors pass because they stick to their beliefs:

stick to your beliefs

So if you want to be seen as a protector start confronting differences in opinion directly.

People may whine a bit, but when you show everyone you’re not easily manipulated they’ll be naturally drawn to you.

Step 8: Be the pack leader HOWWWLLL!!!


Throughout history it’s been leaders of men like warriors, gladiators and soldiers who’ve set feminine pulses racing.

So the more you exude “warrior-like” leadership qualities such as assertiveness and decisiveness the more women will want to become your girlfriend.

If you don’t think you fit the bill of “Leader”, don’t sweat. All you need to do is work on developing a few leadership qualities.

Start by ditching indecisive words like “maybe” and replacing them with assertive words and phrases like “let’s”, “I want”, “we’ll go to”, etc, that show people you’re in control:

Paint a Clear Picture of the Date

Give direction and make decisions. People are always secretly waiting for someone to tell them what to do – to give their life direction.

Even if you want to ask a question, for example, ask a girl out on a date, make sure it does more leading than asking. Like you expect her to follow you out.

Here’s an example that blends assertiveness and decisiveness perfectly:

Freckles its Sunny Out

Once you start making decisions more you’ll be surprised how quickly people (especially women) will look to you to lead the way.

You are the wolf not the sheep! HOOOWWWLLLL!!!

Step 9: Master indifference (explosions don’t shake you)

Tony Stark being indifferent

Ever noticed how guys with girlfriends attract women like flies to shit?

That’s because they naturally give off the vibe that they don’t need anyone else (since they’ve already got a girlfriend).

Indifference is VERY attractive because the less you need other people, the more other people need you.

Indifference means not needing other people’s approval or support to make your life complete.

It also means not giving a shit about what people think of you and being non reactive when people try to provoke an emotional response from you (even if there’s a huge explosion erupting behind you).

Women love the challenge of unlocking a man’s sensitive side rather than having it readily accessible to them from the get-go.

If you feel like you’re lacking indifference, start by working on these things:

  • Flat out ignoring people when they insult you
  • Not revealing your emotions when you’re sad
  • Don’t tell people your plans all the time

Step 10: Why so serious?

why so serious

Being a source of fun and NEVER negativity is the key to becoming perfect boyfriend material.

When a girl’s phone lights up with a text from you she won’t open it with dread, she’ll open it with excitement!

By remaining jokey and essentially disqualifying yourself from anything serious you will keep girls attracted:

Disqualify Yourself from Anything Serious to Keep Her Attracted

Remaining indifferent and fun until things become more serious with a girl will do another powerful thing.

It will make her wonder about you.

Step 11: Make her wonder about you

Women love mystery, suspense and anticipation.

“What you see is what you get” bores the HELL out of women, so rather than answering a girl’s questions “matter of fact-ly” you should aim to respond in a playful way that keeps her curious about you, e.g.

Build Anticipation for your First Date

The more you keep her wondering about you the more excited she will be about going on a date with you:

Make Her Excited About Dating You

Making a girl wonder about you at every stage of the process is the most powerful way to keep her hooked.

At the end of your first date, for example, when it’s time to say goodbye, kiss her lightly on the cheek and say “Tonight was fun. We should do it again sometime”.

Keeping her on the edge her seat is exactly how to get a girlfriend totally and utterly obsessed with you.

Step 12: Be risky to get frisky 😉

be risky to get frisky

When you show a girl you’re not afraid of losing her by taking risks, you send an unconscious message that your genes ROCK!

Taking risks means going in for that first kiss, turning a text conversation sexual, breaking a girl’s balls, calling a girl out when she’s wrong, etc.

Even if you get rejected for making a move women will respect you for having the balls to try.

Step 13: Don’t be afraid to tease her

Never be afraid to tease a girl you like. Although teasing may feel risky it’ll pay off MASSIVELY if done right.

If you don’t know where to begin with teasing try starting with a little role-reversal.

Women are used to guys being the sexual aggressor, so role-reversal flips the switch to make it out that SHE’S chasing YOU.

It’s a lot of fun and girls LOVE playing along with it:

role reversal teasing

In the next example I play the “husband and wife” routine and joke that we are going to move in together after our first date:

Move In Together After Your First Date

Step 14: Unleash your sexual desire (and never be ashamed of it)

unleash your sexual desire

Unleashing your sexual desire isn’t creepy it’s natural!

But unfortunately society has taught you to be ashamed of your sexual desires and keep them bottled up instead of expressing them.

That’s because society is an asexual moron that doesn’t want you to get laid!!

The truth is women want to feel overwhelmingly desired, not rationally considered.

So holding back and not letting your natural desire spill out is counter productive.

Because when a man is so aroused and burning with desire that he’s willing to put himself out there, risking everything, girls can’t resist submitting themselves to his ravishment.

In fact, UCLA conducted a study in which they found 64% of women had “ravishment” fantasies.

So if you seriously want to get a girlfriend then try to express your sexual desire more often – the risk is ALWAYS worth it – because if you fail to put your intentions out there you’ll go straight to the friend-zone.

Step 15: Get her attention by giving her less attention

get her attention

Is there someone in your social group who often ignores you when you try to engage them in conversation, as if their mind is elsewhere? So you find yourself repeating the same thing twice or even shout “HEY!!!” just to get their attention?

Does this person take hours to reply to your texts or simply doesn’t get in touch as much as you’d like them to?

And does it make you bat shit CRAZY when they behave like this, as if they’re being a dick on purpose?

Well that “dick” you know isn’t a dick. They’re simply non-needy and have naturally mastered the art of making people fight for their attention.

These people are magnetic because they scream high status.

If you want to become magnetic to women start by giving people less attention, by becoming less available.

Not liking her latest selfie on Facebook (like all the other guys will) or not responding to her texts immediately and going “off the radar” when you have something important to do.

People will start fighting to get your attention, (especially her).

Step 16: Never try to “lock” a girl down

never try to lock her down

When you’re dating a girl you really like, it’s easy to fall into the “let’s solidify things” trap.

Here’s how it works:

You start to like a girl, so you want to spend more time with her. As your feelings grow for her, so too does your attachment to that future with her.

You really want to kiss her. Sleep with her. Make her your girlfriend.

So much so, in fact, that you start to get nervous and insecure around her. And you start to feel a little possessive.

And you start looking for ways to “lock down” the future. You try to get her to commit to plans… you subtly hint at the strength of your feelings for her… maybe you even come out and ask her how she feels about you.

I probably don’t need to tell you that NONE of this is attractive to a girl.

Yet it’s weird, because when you like a girl, it feels very natural to do this stuff.

So what’s the solution?

Well, it’s simple, but paradoxical.

When you’re with her, you focus on having as MUCH fun as you can while you’re together… and NOT trying to confirm anything or lock anything down.

Think about it: if you have tons of fun the first time you hang out with someone… wouldn’t you want to see them again?

And if it just kept going like that – where you had a great time every time you hung out – wouldn’t it be easy to end up in a relationship with them?

But if they were a nervous wreck the whole time, and tried to PUSH you into spending more time with them… the only way you’d do it would be out of guilt.

And sorry to say it, but guilt doesn’t get girlfriends.

So always remember to live in the moment and focus on smiling, and putting a smile on her face, when you’re together.

You can flirt with the idea of future meet-ups but don’t try to lock her down when you’re with her. Simply add the word “sometime” to keep it open ended.

““we should totally rent motorbikes and ride down to that secret beach sometime”.

Step 17: Don’t give up too early


There’s nothing “stalker-ish” about being persistent if you don’t go overboard.

If done right persistence can be incredibly attractive.

Women love men who fight for what they want. So if a girl sees you’re determined in making her yours it’ll make her feel special, adored and most importantly…desired.

Because remember, women want to feel overwhelmingly desired, not rationally considered.

Some girls will keep rejecting you just to see how much you’ll fight for them.

So even if she rejects you the first couple of times – don’t give up chasing her – because if you give up too easily she’ll think that maybe she wasn’t that important to you after all and you probably only wanted to sleep with her.

As long as the girl you like doesn’t tell you to stop texting her or leave her alone you are still in the game!

One More Important Thing Before You Go Get the Girl…

go out and get the girl

Before you go out and use this guide to get the girlfriend of your dreams, there is one more important things I need to mention.

It’s about how to naturally develop confidence.

Because it’s no secret that confidence is like crack cocaine to women.

That’s why I must urge you to take action and put everything you’ve just read into practice, because your confidence will develop naturally after you start:

  • Assuming every girl is interested in you
  • Standing up for yourself
  • Taking risks
  • …And unleashing your sexual desire more
    • The Next Step (BONUS Video)

      If you’re sitting comfortably and have a pair of headphones at hand you’ll love this bonus video we put together for you.

      In the video below you’ll discover the 3 steps a woman goes through when she falls in love with a man.

      Once you know these 3 steps it’s pretty easy to make any girl obsess over you:

      Get a girlfriend video tutorial

      (Knowing these secrets will give you a very unfair advantage over the competition.)

      Pretty cool right?

      Wrapping it up

      It was incredibly fun putting this “how to get a girlfriend” guide together. I hope you get a lot of value from it and use it to get the girlfriend of your dreams (just like I did after 29 years of searching for her!!!)

      But who am I?

      My name is Rich James and although I know my stuff now, 5 years ago things were VERY different.

      5 years ago if a girl showed me an ounce of interest I’d chase her like a rabid dog, drop anything to spend time with her and let her get away with anything (even cheating on me).

      I’d reply instantly to her messages, spend shit loads on expensive dinners thinking I’d impress her and did everything I could to try and make her like me, but it always seemed to women like me less and less.

      I was lost, clueless and every single girl I fell for either friend-zoned me or told me to stop texting them.

      Soon I completely gave up and became a shoulder to cry on for all the girls in my friendship group. They’d come to me with their problems and unload on me. Telling me “I wish more guys were like you”. But then they’d always go back to their a**hole bad boy boyfriends. It friggin sucked 🙁

      It wasn’t until I met a friend of a friend called Christian that everything changed.

      Watch the video below to meet Christian and discover 3 steps to turn a “cold” girl into your loving, loyal girlfriend:



      Christian taught me about the traits that make ultimate boyfriend material. I didn’t pick up these traits overnight, but I kept working on them day in day out.

      I pushed myself to make decisions and speak my mind. I lowered my voice and kicked myself whenever I caught myself talking to people in a needy way. I focussed on my mission. Not letting anyone get in the way of my dreams. I went to the gym, started telling people when they crossed my boundaries and began standing up for what I believed in.

      I grew fearless at unleashing my sexual desire and in the summer of 2012 had more one night stands than I could count.

      Bit by bit I became the guy the girl of my dreams would become obsessed with.

      In fact over the last 5 years my “dream girl” requirements have changed completely.

      5 years ago I would have accepted anyone because I was so damn desperate. But after growing as a man and discovering what I really wanted I realised I had options.

      I became clear about the type of girl I actually wanted to date and finding the girlfriend of my dreams became impossible in the completely opposite way!!!

      I had very specific requirements and for those 5 years of searching no-body met them.

      It wasn’t until November 2015 I finally met a girl worth fighting for. But I would have never attracted her if I had been my old needy self all those years ago.

      She was and still is literally my dream girl. The frightening thing is I would have never attracted her, let alone made her my girlfriend if I was the same needy guy I used to be 5 years ago.

      I met her standing in line at Starbucks. I told her she was so beautiful I simply HAD to talk to her. We went for dinner later that night and the rest is history.

      The point is this didn’t all happen overnight. And if you’re serious about getting a girlfriend you have to get your priorities right.

      Your main concern should not be about how lonely you feel without a girlfriend and that you desperately need one and will do anything to get one as soon as possible.


      You need to commit yourself to something far, FAR more important than that:


      Because as soon as you start putting yourself first and stop putting other people on a pedestal, stop letting people cross the line with you and stop giving a sh*t about what others think, the girls you desire will become naturally drawn to you.

      You’ll start giving off the vibe that you don’t need women to make your life complete. You’ll take more risks, find approaching and talking to girls less daunting and won’t worry about the consequences.

      You’ll begin to understand that getting a girlfriend is not the most important thing in the world, in fact it’s more like an added bonus to your already awesome life.

      Women are drawn to people who believe in themselves. Who know what they want. Who live a life they are proud of and don’t let others dictate their actions and decisions.

      None of this requires you to become an entirely different person.

      All it requires is knowing who you are, what you want and going after it.

      That’s how you get ahead in life. And that’s how to get a girlfriend.


  1. Ben Wilmore says:

    Thanks for choosing to take part in the art of developing into a type of man who may specifically posess the ability to make anyone woman weak at the knees. Not only does finding a girl friend seem like an impossible task although you do break it down into steps for success. With the best intentions I must inform you that no girl likes me. It has been tested time and time again and with scientific evidence to boot I can say that it isn’t in the cards for me to find a dream girl much less any girl. I am the nicest guy I know. I’ve evolved into the kind of guy I wanted to be and I really like myself. Your good advice didn’t help and the personal stories at the end detailing how after a daunting 5 year search you found her at Starbucks felt like a knife in my back. They wouldn’t even humor me. Not even for a second. You must be something special then. You have qualities and skills that I just don’t have. You were born with them. It cannot be learned or explained. It’s damned if you do, damned if you don’t. So while I appreciate the time and effort you put into writing such a heartwarming, fairytale love story, I must say touché good sir. You win. I lose. Just another day at the park.

  2. I’m motivated by this piece. I’ve also been spending soo much on girls and it looks like I’m desperately looking for a girlfriend. but with this post, my life is turning around this very minute.


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